Recovery Part 2

3/1/12

As promised, Nurse Karyn came to my room at 4AM to take out the catheter and get me up to use the restroom on my own.  The catheter part was easier than I expected, the getting up out of bed was just as hard as I expected - maybe even a little harder.  I raised the head of the bed as high as it would go to make me sit as upright as possible.  I scooted myself to the edge of the bed using the handle on the bed for some leverage.  Once I got to the edge of the bed, Karyn reminded me to use my thighs to help me up rather than using my abs.  This was easier said than done.  You really forget how much you rely on your abdominal muscles for everyday movements.

Once I was up, Karyn held my arm lightly as I shuffled to the restroom.  I'll spare you most of the details here, however, there was an unexpected surprise as I was getting up from using the bathroom.  A ginormous (I'm not even exaggerating) blood clot escaped my body and completely grossed and freaked me out.  Though I really wanted to go back to bed, I knew I needed to move a bit more.  After donning my robe, Karyn helped me walk down the hallway and back to bed where I found that getting back in was just as difficult as getting out.  My stomach did not like me very much after I got positioned in bed.  G & J slept through this whole thing if I remember correctly.

Later in the day I got up to use the restroom again with help from Karyn.  She asked me if I felt dizzy at all, and I really felt okay considering the circumstances.  Just after 7, Nurse Karyn introduced me to my day nurse, Alison.  It turns out that Alison and I share a birthday.  Every time they bring you medication you have to state your name and birth date.  When Alison would bring me my meds, she would say, "What's our birthday?"  Cute.

Sometime that morning, a woman came to do a hearing test on Genevieve.  Luckily for everyone, G slept right through the test and passed with flying colors.

At this point I was receiving Toradol through my IV.  The final dose was to be at 11:30 AM, but when that time rolled around, Alison brought me a Motrin rather than continuing the Toradol.  For the rest of the day I received Motrin every 6 hours.   Once I was able to get the baby to sleep, I was able to pass her off to J to hold.  Then I could snooze for a bit.  Look at what a natural daddy J is. 

I got up later in the day to again use the restroom, and I felt very dizzy.  I had to go right back to bed because I also felt queasy.  I got up and tried again later, but that trip only resulted in me almost passing out.  Since I've passed out before, I knew the signs.  Luckily, I was close to the bed and sat right back down.  I had to sit on the edge of the bed until I had enough strength to move myself back onto the bed all of the way.  This day was not my favorite.  Oh, and I thought you all might appreciate this picture:

I especially love the yellow one that reads "FALL RISK". 

I found out that Karyn was to be my night nurse again, and I was very happy about that.  She was just so nurturing and motherly, and that's what I really needed at this point.  Alison also mentioned that Karyn lives in Anthem.  Small world I thought.        

By late evening, I was in quite a bit of pain.  On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the worst pain, I was around a 6.  I just figured this was to be expected, so in between feedings, I tried to rest the best I could.  I don't know at what point I told J about my discomfort, but he told me to talk to the nurse about my pain relief options because Motrin obviously wasn't very effective.  I was crying and started to feel depressed because I didn't feel I could properly care for Genevieve in my current state.  I finally fell asleep (and apparently was snoring up a storm), and when I awoke, Karyn was there.  She said that J mentioned how I was feeling and asked me what my pain level was.  I told her it was around an 8 now, and she apologized that my pain was allowed to get so high.  She offered me Percocet, and I gladly accepted.  I was allowed to have one Percocet every 4 hours and a Motrin every 6 hours.

Karyn and I talked for a bit.  I told her I was a teacher in Anthem, and she told me one of her girls went to Boulder Creek High School and the other went to Gavilan Peak School.  She asked me if I worked with the gal from the show Downsized, and I told her I did.  She said, "She goes to my church."  I told Karyn that I also attended St. Rose, and I thought again, what a small world.  I have a feeling that God placed this nurse in my life for a reason.  He knew I needed this connection and the kind of care I received from this woman.  I am very thankful for Nurse Karyn.  

Recovery Part 1

2/29/12

After I was all stitched up, I was moved to a bed and wheeled into the recovery room.  J was waiting for me holding Genevieve skin to skin.  It was such a lovely sight.  Of course I was ready to hold G right away, so J passed her off to me.  I tried to breastfeed, but getting her latched was a bit of a challenge.  She didn't want to open her mouth wide enough, so we had to take her off a few times until she latched better.  Thanks Dianne for helping.  I was not prepared for what a beautiful experience breastfeeding would be.  I felt an immediate connection with my daughter and one I can't begin to explain in words.  Unfortunately, waves of nausea kept coming over me, which lead to dry heaves.  The nurse brought me something to "toss my cookies" in, but I never really threw up anything.  If I remember correctly, they offered me something to alleviate my nausea, but I didn't really want any more medication.

I have no idea how long I was in the recovery room.  I only remember lying there in pure disbelief that I had my daughter in my arms.  I knew this day was coming, but the real anxiety of being a new mom was starting to set in.  Eventually I was brought to my hospital room.  The nurses asked if I wanted to scoot myself to the new bed or if I wanted them to move me.  I opted for them to move me considering I still couldn't feel my legs or even wiggle my toes.  The next several hours are really a blur right now.  I don't remember much except for holding G.  I'm sure they checked my temperature and blood pressure since they did that quite regularly.  My nurse, Deanna introduced us to the evening nurse, Karyn.  At some point they brought me a "clear liquid" dinner, which consisted of chicken broth, lime Jello, orange Jello, frozen lemon ice dessert, and a lemon lime soda.  I only had the broth, the dessert, and the soda, and then I promptly threw them all up.  What fun!  

I think I was surviving on pure adrenaline since I did not feel very tired.   I just kept holding G and staring at her.  She was so beautiful despite some imperfections from her position in the womb.  I'll tell you more about those later. 

By now J decided to head out to the car to grab some of our things.  Warning:  TMI about to be shared.  Karyn came in to check on me.  Apparently I was bleeding quite heavily and had some decent sized blood clots.  She called for Dr. Brown.   I called J, but he didn't answer.  I really needed him to hurry because I was a little scared, so I called him again.  Thank goodness he answered.  He had been talking to his mom on the phone.  I told him to please hurry because I was bleeding, but I was okay.   By the time he arrived, Dr. Brown was there, and she explained that sometimes the uterus doesn't do what it's supposed to do.  It kind of collapses, which causes clotting like I had.  They administered Pitocin through my IV to help control the bleeding.  Karyn and I discussed the idea of taking the catheter out and me getting up and walking around.  She said she'd come back at 4am to see if I was ready for that, and I agreed that it would be good.  I knew that moving around as soon as I felt able would help the healing process.       

G and I dozed off together, and once J got help unfolding the vinyl chair into a couch/bed, he too got some rest.  I know at some point J took the baby, so I could sleep better.  He also changed all of the diapers, and there were many.  He is such a good man!  It was expected that G have at least one poopy diaper within 24 hours, but she is an overachiever like her parents and had at least four poopy diapers.  At least we knew she was eating well, and her system was in good, working order.  I had no more nausea that whole night, for which I was very thankful.  I was also thankful for surviving my first night caring for a new baby after major abdominal surgery.  I don't know how people do something like that without the support of another person.  I was immensely grateful to have J with me the entire time.  He was my rock.

Special Delivery

After 41 weeks and nearly 3 days of growing my daughter, I was finally going to meet her.  There was still so much to do to prepare, but everyone told me that it wouldn't matter once Genevieve arrived.  They were right.

I went to bed just after midnight, and I laid there for about an hour.  I couldn't shut my brain down; so many thoughts were running through my head.  I must have dozed off at some point because I woke up to use the restroom and noticed it was only 1:45.  This was going to be a long night!  It took me awhile to fall asleep again, and I wasn't ready for my alarm to go off.  It was set for 4:00 AM in order for me to eat some breakfast before the cut off point.  I couldn't have anything to eat or drink 8 hours prior to the Cesarean Section, which was scheduled for 1:00 PM, and I knew I was going to need some energy.  After eating an egg and cheese sandwich, I headed back to bed where I laid there without really sleeping until my alarm went off again at 7:30AM.

I got up and did some dishes and prepared for Lisa and Angie who were going to sit for Pawncho while we were gone.  After showering I packed some last minute things for the hospital and debated whether or not to wear any makeup.  I really wanted to look halfway decent in my first photos with my new family, but I knew I'd be all teary eyed.  I opted for zero makeup, and in the end it was all good.

We arrived at St. Joe's at 11AM to check in, and our wonderful doula, Dianne arrived shortly after.  They took me in to OB triage to check the baby's position.  We all could feel where her head was (shoved up near my ribs), but Dr. Brown did an ultrasound to confirm that she was still breech.  They hooked me up to an IV to get me nice and full of fluid.  The nurses there were great and took good care of me during this short time before our special delivery.

I asked Dr. Brown if she'd seen my birth plan, and she hadn't.  They didn't have it in my file, but I brought an extra one just in case.  We went through each item on the plan, and the doctor told me the things on there that will absolutely happen, including some postpartum requests.  There were a few things she needed to check on because she wasn't in charge of that.  A couple of those items were the playing of music during the delivery and allowing J to be in the OR while they prepped me.  She also wasn't sure if we could do skin to skin immediately because of how cold it was in the room.

After some asking, Dr. Brown came back to inform us that we could definitely play music, and J could be in the OR with me after they took care of my spinal.  They said they've had people pass out on them while they watched a spinal being placed.  We were perfectly fine with this.  In fact, we were very pleased that so many things in our birth plan were easily honored.  The ones that weren't had very valid reasons, and we were comfortable not sticking to the plan with these.

Okay, I think we should move on the part you all want to hear about - the special delivery.  J helped the nurse wheel me in my bed down the halls to the OR.  Dianne followed and said a special prayer for us on the way.  J and Dianne got prepped to be in the OR, though they couldn't both be in there at the same time, and I went in for my spinal.  It was freezing in there!  They helped me up on the tiny operating table, gave me two warmed blankets, and prepped my back for the spinal.  This was not my favorite experience.  To say that it was uncomfortable is an understatement.  Once the spinal was in, however, it was mere seconds before I could no longer feel anything from the chest down.  The nurses helped me lie down and brought J in.

J took my right hand as the anesthesiologist fixed the overhead mirror to allow us to view the c-section if we chose.  Neither one of us really wanted to watch, but I did want to see them delivering Genevieve.  I glanced up in the mirror to see them pinching my belly with clamps or something, and I couldn't feel a thing, which was the idea.  The doctors and nurses were ready to begin, and I started to feel a little queasy.  The anesthesiologist said to let him know if I got nauseous, so I told him.  I don't know if the nausea was caused from the spinal or just the anxiety I was feeling about the whole situation.

I had asked the doctor to give us a play by play so we'd have an idea of what was going on throughout the procedure.  Dr. Brown let us know when they were making the first incision and when they finally opened up my uterus.  They let me know that I would feel some pressure and tugging as they delivered Genevieve from my womb.  They said they could see her little behind, and that's when I looked in the mirror.  I could see her bottom coming out followed by her legs that were straight up. They gently pulled her the rest of the way out and immediately held her over the drape so we could meet our daughter for the first time.  I'm pretty sure that's when we both started crying.

Genevieve was born at 1:43 PM on February 29, 2012 - Leap Day.  She weighed 7 pounds 6 ounces and was 20 inches long.  She had meconium on her (as you can see in the above picture), so they took her away to be wiped off and warmed.  One nurse, Heather, brought G over to me and placed her on my chest so we could have immediate skin to skin contact.  As I mentioned above, I wasn't sure if this was a request that would be granted, but Heather was instrumental in helping us achieve this goal.  J helped hold G on me, and Heather took pictures for us.  I'm not going to lie; it wasn't easy holding my daughter this way since I was hooked to an IV, oxygen, blood pressure cuff, and I think a heart rate monitor.  It was both awkward and beautiful - a moment in time I will never forget, and I'm eternally grateful to Dr. Brown and her staff for making this such a special delivery.

After this short bonding time, J took G to the recovery room to wait for me.  Dianne slipped into the OR to stay with me while I was being stitched up.  Dr. Brown asked what we were naming our daughter, and when I said Genevieve Noelle, she said how much she loved the name Noelle and had wanted it for her daughter's name.  We continued to have conversations about kids, which took my mind off of what was being done to me.  A couple of times I glimpsed it in the mirror, which was a mistake.  As soon as I was all sewn back together, they transferred me to the recovery bed and wheeled me into recovery.

Stay tuned for my next entry to find out what that first night was like for my new little family.  (You might have to wait awhile since I've gotten very little sleep these days.  In fact, I should be sleeping now, but I really wanted to finish this entry.)  

Leap Frogs and Tears

Well, it looks like we'll have ourselves a little leap frog baby.  Tonight we scheduled a c-section for tomorrow, February 29, 2012 at 1:00 PM.  This happens to be Leap Day, which we think is hilarious.  It also happens to be a Wednesday, and the saying is that a Wednesday's child is full of woe.  This is about right.  It turns out that both J and I were born on a Wednesday, so it's only fitting that Genevieve is as well.  It's a trifecta of Wednesday's children!  I'm positive she's ready for the world outside of the womb.  At this very moment it seems she is trying to break out of my uterus!  She's been quite active ever since dinner (maybe it was the spicy barbecue sauce of Honey Bear's). 

To say we are excited would be an understatement.  I think J is more excited than I am simply because he's not the one that has to have surgery.  He's very sympathetic, and I know for sure that he will be incredibly supportive of me during and afterward.  I don't know how people go through something like this without the love and support of someone else.  I am blessed beyond measure.  Right now I am trying to focus on the birth of my daughter rather than the surgery aspect of it.  I still get teary about it all, but I'm just going to blame the hormones surging through my body.

I can't wait to hear her first cry.  I can't wait to see who she looks more like.  I can't wait to hold her in my arms, and more than that I can't wait to see her daddy hold her for the first time.  I'm going to be a teary mess (hence half of the blog title).  The camera battery is charging up in preparation for tomorrow.  I'll be sure to post pictures as soon as possible, and you can all chime in on who you think Genevieve looks the most like.  I wonder if she'll have hair or if she'll be as bald as I was.  I wonder how much she'll weigh.  My original guess was less than 8 pounds, but now I'm rethinking that idea.

I am thinking I should get to bed and finish things in the morning.  This will be my last night of real sleep for a loooooong time.  Besides, I have to get up and eat a good breakfast before the cut off time, which means eating around 4 AM when I feed the cat.  Oh, and we broke the news to Pawncho tonight that we won't be home for awhile, and when we do come home, he's not going to like the new house guest.  I'm thinking of having Jeremy drive home one day with something that has the baby's scent on it.  I doubt it will do any good, but who knows?

Tomorrow, I will have my daughter in my arms, and not much else is going to matter to me.  I will worry about the cat being all alone, but I have good people stopping by to feed and water him.  I can't wait to see how he reacts to Genevieve!

Can't Sleep

When the birth of your first child can begin any minute, it is not really a good time for insomnia, though it is understandable I suppose.  I have been having trouble sleeping for the past week.  I suppose it's a lot of anticipation, but it's also a lot of feeling like I still have so much to do to prepare myself for caring for an infant. 

Rather than lying in bed staring at the ceiling, well, wall really since I have to sleep on my side, I got up to do a little reading.  I figured that would put me to sleep.  Nope.  Then, Pawncho wanted to play, so we played a game of hide and seek.  I always win because he always hides in the guest bathtub.  It was a fun game nevertheless.  Since I was still pretty awake, I figured I'd add one more blog entry. 

I am beginning to wonder if Genevieve just wants to be a Leap Year baby.  She's already shown us that she wants to be different from 96% of babies by being breech.  Why not be different by only having a birthday every four years?  If she doesn't come soon, I'm sure we'll have to schedule a c-section considering I am now 41 weeks and 1 day pregnant.  We are about out of time, and I was really hoping for that itty, bitty chance of her turning in labor.  Again, I realize it's a long shot, but I still had some hope.  J and I went for a good walk/hike early Sunday evening.  It was pretty nice out and almost too hot.  I got to see some rabbits, a chipmunk, and lots of quail.  I thought about how exciting it will be to see those things through Genevieve's eyes.   

Genevieve is moving around quite a bit right now.  One minute I can feel her head to the left of my belly button, and the next minute it seems to move to just above my belly button.  When I was reading earlier, her head seemed to be more on the right side of my abdomen but still slightly above my belly button.  I wish she would just move that head much farther down!  Tonight we listened to some music together until the battery in my Zune died.  I had one ear bud in my ear and one ear bud down low on my belly.  Unfortunately, we only got to hear two songs before the battery went dead.

I was having a sad day today.  I'm having a difficult time finding excitement for the birth of my daughter, and this hurts my heart fiercely.  I am really having to work to keep my anxiety at bay and not let it overshadow the miracle that is about to take place.  J suggested I make a list of all the things for which I am looking forward.  That's a good idea.  That will be my project for tomorrow.       

Hang on a second...Pawncho is running around like crazy.  I think he may be spooked by the wind outside.  I'm going to go chase him or at least figure out what he's doing.

Holy guacamole!  The cat scared me half to death!  I'll have to add a picture to this post soon, so you can see where he was.  I was not expecting him to be on the counter as I turned the corner.  It made for a fun game for a few minutes though.  I think he's still sitting on the counter.  Anyway, where was I?

I guess I should wrap this up and try to get some shut eye since the clock just struck midnight.  J will be getting up in about 4 1/2 hours to drink his protein shake and go work out with his trainer.  Tomorrow will be a better day.

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.  Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  ~ Philippians 4:6-7



 

A Difficult Change in Plans

Breech babies have been known to flip head down at the last minute, including during labor.  I am still hopeful that this will happen, but I'm also realistic.  I know that statistics are not in my favor, so I wanted to share where I am at regarding the need for a c-section.

As I mentioned previously, I was devastated to think that I can't deliver at the birth center.  After much talk, research, and prayer, I have come to terms with the fact that I will most likely have a surgical birth.  I have been so blessed to carry a life inside of me to full term.  I am thankful that God gave me a strong body with which to nourish my growing child, and I am grateful for a loving, understanding, supportive husband who loves our daughter beyond words.  For the last 13+ weeks I have received the best care by everyone at the birth center.  I would not have had that had I continued with my OB, even though I thought she was pretty great.  My doula, my midwife, the student nurse midwife and one of the nurses/birth assistants at the birth center have really helped me to work through my emotions.  I most appreciated that they told me it was okay for me to be feeling the way I was feeling, especially when everyone else just kept saying "At least you have a healthy baby." or "C-sections aren't so bad."  Other people made it sound like I didn't care about my baby when in reality it's all about her.   

I am thankful that I have a healthy baby girl, as far as we can all tell.  She moves regularly, and she looked so great on the last ultrasound.  I know that however she is born, God will take care of us.  There are often reasons babies are breech, and this usually can't be determined until after birth.  Sometimes those reasons aren't ever discovered.

Some people don't have time to plan for a c-section or prepare emotionally for this change.  Some people have emergencies that necessitate an immediate change in a birth plan.  I at least had time to write a completely new birth plan in an attempt to make the birth experience the "next best thing".  This may not have been my plan, but for reasons beyond my understanding, this is all part of God's plan for me.  He knows more than I know, and I am resting in that fact.   See Psalm 139.  I am thankful for this extra time to get a grip on my emotions.   

Have I accepted the fact that I will have a cesarean?  No.  It may take me a long time to fully accept this fact, but I will be okay if it happens.  Do I still hope for a natural delivery?  Absolutely!  I pray that my daughter flips, but if she doesn't, I know that everything will be alright.  Do I still cry about this change?  Yes, but a lot less than a week ago.  There are worse things than getting a beautiful baby from a c-section. 

Pregnancy Thoughts

I started keeping a pregnancy journal to document my experiences, but I fell really behind due to the business of work.  Sometimes I just feel writing is a chore even when it's about something so amazingly special.  I was too tired at the end of each night to do any more writing than I had to.  Now I find that I'm playing catch up in my journal.  I don't know how long it will be until I'm caught up to this point in my pregnancy, so I figured I'd write about it for cyberspace.

As I'm writing this post, G is quite happily moving around in my belly.  It's so fascinating to watch my belly move from side to side and, at times, to see a little foot pop out on my right side.  When I push on it a little, it disappears.  I love that game!  J and I can hardly wait until we can tickle those feet from the outside.  J is much more impatient than I am, but I think that's because I have too many worries.

Speaking of worries...I am so thankful that I've had almost two weeks off work before G's arrival to prepare mentally, emotionally, and physically.  At 37 weeks pregnant I heard the words "This baby is breech", and I almost immediately began crying.  J realized this and reached for my hand.  Starting the next day, I began doing a variety of things to get her to flip back to vertex, or head down.  I laid upside down on an ironing board, saw a chiropractor for the Webster technique twice, did inversions, went swimming, walked on my hands and knees, had an external version done, saw an acupuncturist, and tried moxibustion.  I am now 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant, and little miss G is still head up.  What this means for me is a c-section rather than a natural birth at a birthing center with my wonderful certified nurse midwife.  This news was devastating.

You see, there are a number of reasons I switched to a midwife at a birthing center when I was 27 weeks pregnant.  I wanted to avoid interventions that often happen at a hospital and have a tendency to lead to c-sections.  I wanted a more personal type of care.  I wanted a peaceful setting in which to deliver my daughter with the support of my husband and other people with whom I've developed a relationship.  This is important to someone with high anxiety.

The biggest reasons for wanting a natural, non medicated delivery were really for the benefit of G, which is something that many other well meaning people just don't understand.  I wanted G to decide when she was ready to come, and when that time came, I didn't want her to be affected by drugs like pitocin and those used in an epidural.  Drugs can make the baby sleepy, which can make initial breastfeeding more difficult.  Drugs can interfere with the natural release of oxytocin, the love drug, which helps mom and baby bond after birth.

Having a breech baby means I can't deliver at the birth center, and this thought still brings tears to my eyes even though I've had time to adjust to this change.  I went through a whole grieving process because surgery is the farthest thing from what I wanted for the birth of my daughter.  See my next post for my thoughts on this change in plans.