I started keeping a pregnancy journal to document my experiences, but I fell really behind due to the business of work. Sometimes I just feel writing is a chore even when it's about something so amazingly special. I was too tired at the end of each night to do any more writing than I had to. Now I find that I'm playing catch up in my journal. I don't know how long it will be until I'm caught up to this point in my pregnancy, so I figured I'd write about it for cyberspace.
As I'm writing this post, G is quite happily moving around in my belly. It's so fascinating to watch my belly move from side to side and, at times, to see a little foot pop out on my right side. When I push on it a little, it disappears. I love that game! J and I can hardly wait until we can tickle those feet from the outside. J is much more impatient than I am, but I think that's because I have too many worries.
Speaking of worries...I am so thankful that I've had almost two weeks off work before G's arrival to prepare mentally, emotionally, and physically. At 37 weeks pregnant I heard the words "This baby is breech", and I almost immediately began crying. J realized this and reached for my hand. Starting the next day, I began doing a variety of things to get her to flip back to vertex, or head down. I laid upside down on an ironing board, saw a chiropractor for the Webster technique twice, did inversions, went swimming, walked on my hands and knees, had an external version done, saw an acupuncturist, and tried moxibustion. I am now 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant, and little miss G is still head up. What this means for me is a c-section rather than a natural birth at a birthing center with my wonderful certified nurse midwife. This news was devastating.
You see, there are a number of reasons I switched to a midwife at a birthing center when I was 27 weeks pregnant. I wanted to avoid interventions that often happen at a hospital and have a tendency to lead to c-sections. I wanted a more personal type of care. I wanted a peaceful setting in which to deliver my daughter with the support of my husband and other people with whom I've developed a relationship. This is important to someone with high anxiety.
The biggest reasons for wanting a natural, non medicated delivery were really for the benefit of G, which is something that many other well meaning people just don't understand. I wanted G to decide when she was ready to come, and when that time came, I didn't want her to be affected by drugs like pitocin and those used in an epidural. Drugs can make the baby sleepy, which can make initial breastfeeding more difficult. Drugs can interfere with the natural release of oxytocin, the love drug, which helps mom and baby bond after birth.
Having a breech baby means I can't deliver at the birth center, and this thought still brings tears to my eyes even though I've had time to adjust to this change. I went through a whole grieving process because surgery is the farthest thing from what I wanted for the birth of my daughter. See my next post for my thoughts on this change in plans.
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