A Difficult Change in Plans

Breech babies have been known to flip head down at the last minute, including during labor.  I am still hopeful that this will happen, but I'm also realistic.  I know that statistics are not in my favor, so I wanted to share where I am at regarding the need for a c-section.

As I mentioned previously, I was devastated to think that I can't deliver at the birth center.  After much talk, research, and prayer, I have come to terms with the fact that I will most likely have a surgical birth.  I have been so blessed to carry a life inside of me to full term.  I am thankful that God gave me a strong body with which to nourish my growing child, and I am grateful for a loving, understanding, supportive husband who loves our daughter beyond words.  For the last 13+ weeks I have received the best care by everyone at the birth center.  I would not have had that had I continued with my OB, even though I thought she was pretty great.  My doula, my midwife, the student nurse midwife and one of the nurses/birth assistants at the birth center have really helped me to work through my emotions.  I most appreciated that they told me it was okay for me to be feeling the way I was feeling, especially when everyone else just kept saying "At least you have a healthy baby." or "C-sections aren't so bad."  Other people made it sound like I didn't care about my baby when in reality it's all about her.   

I am thankful that I have a healthy baby girl, as far as we can all tell.  She moves regularly, and she looked so great on the last ultrasound.  I know that however she is born, God will take care of us.  There are often reasons babies are breech, and this usually can't be determined until after birth.  Sometimes those reasons aren't ever discovered.

Some people don't have time to plan for a c-section or prepare emotionally for this change.  Some people have emergencies that necessitate an immediate change in a birth plan.  I at least had time to write a completely new birth plan in an attempt to make the birth experience the "next best thing".  This may not have been my plan, but for reasons beyond my understanding, this is all part of God's plan for me.  He knows more than I know, and I am resting in that fact.   See Psalm 139.  I am thankful for this extra time to get a grip on my emotions.   

Have I accepted the fact that I will have a cesarean?  No.  It may take me a long time to fully accept this fact, but I will be okay if it happens.  Do I still hope for a natural delivery?  Absolutely!  I pray that my daughter flips, but if she doesn't, I know that everything will be alright.  Do I still cry about this change?  Yes, but a lot less than a week ago.  There are worse things than getting a beautiful baby from a c-section.