Well, it looks like we'll have ourselves a little leap frog baby. Tonight we scheduled a c-section for tomorrow, February 29, 2012 at 1:00 PM. This happens to be Leap Day, which we think is hilarious. It also happens to be a Wednesday, and the saying is that a Wednesday's child is full of woe. This is about right. It turns out that both J and I were born on a Wednesday, so it's only fitting that Genevieve is as well. It's a trifecta of Wednesday's children! I'm positive she's ready for the world outside of the womb. At this very moment it seems she is trying to break out of my uterus! She's been quite active ever since dinner (maybe it was the spicy barbecue sauce of Honey Bear's).
To say we are excited would be an understatement. I think J is more excited than I am simply because he's not the one that has to have surgery. He's very sympathetic, and I know for sure that he will be incredibly supportive of me during and afterward. I don't know how people go through something like this without the love and support of someone else. I am blessed beyond measure. Right now I am trying to focus on the birth of my daughter rather than the surgery aspect of it. I still get teary about it all, but I'm just going to blame the hormones surging through my body.
I can't wait to hear her first cry. I can't wait to see who she looks more like. I can't wait to hold her in my arms, and more than that I can't wait to see her daddy hold her for the first time. I'm going to be a teary mess (hence half of the blog title). The camera battery is charging up in preparation for tomorrow. I'll be sure to post pictures as soon as possible, and you can all chime in on who you think Genevieve looks the most like. I wonder if she'll have hair or if she'll be as bald as I was. I wonder how much she'll weigh. My original guess was less than 8 pounds, but now I'm rethinking that idea.
I am thinking I should get to bed and finish things in the morning. This will be my last night of real sleep for a loooooong time. Besides, I have to get up and eat a good breakfast before the cut off time, which means eating around 4 AM when I feed the cat. Oh, and we broke the news to Pawncho tonight that we won't be home for awhile, and when we do come home, he's not going to like the new house guest. I'm thinking of having Jeremy drive home one day with something that has the baby's scent on it. I doubt it will do any good, but who knows?
Tomorrow, I will have my daughter in my arms, and not much else is going to matter to me. I will worry about the cat being all alone, but I have good people stopping by to feed and water him. I can't wait to see how he reacts to Genevieve!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Can't Sleep
When the birth of your first child can begin any minute, it is not really a good time for insomnia, though it is understandable I suppose. I have been having trouble sleeping for the past week. I suppose it's a lot of anticipation, but it's also a lot of feeling like I still have so much to do to prepare myself for caring for an infant.
Rather than lying in bed staring at the ceiling, well, wall really since I have to sleep on my side, I got up to do a little reading. I figured that would put me to sleep. Nope. Then, Pawncho wanted to play, so we played a game of hide and seek. I always win because he always hides in the guest bathtub. It was a fun game nevertheless. Since I was still pretty awake, I figured I'd add one more blog entry.
I am beginning to wonder if Genevieve just wants to be a Leap Year baby. She's already shown us that she wants to be different from 96% of babies by being breech. Why not be different by only having a birthday every four years? If she doesn't come soon, I'm sure we'll have to schedule a c-section considering I am now 41 weeks and 1 day pregnant. We are about out of time, and I was really hoping for that itty, bitty chance of her turning in labor. Again, I realize it's a long shot, but I still had some hope. J and I went for a good walk/hike early Sunday evening. It was pretty nice out and almost too hot. I got to see some rabbits, a chipmunk, and lots of quail. I thought about how exciting it will be to see those things through Genevieve's eyes.
Genevieve is moving around quite a bit right now. One minute I can feel her head to the left of my belly button, and the next minute it seems to move to just above my belly button. When I was reading earlier, her head seemed to be more on the right side of my abdomen but still slightly above my belly button. I wish she would just move that head much farther down! Tonight we listened to some music together until the battery in my Zune died. I had one ear bud in my ear and one ear bud down low on my belly. Unfortunately, we only got to hear two songs before the battery went dead.
I was having a sad day today. I'm having a difficult time finding excitement for the birth of my daughter, and this hurts my heart fiercely. I am really having to work to keep my anxiety at bay and not let it overshadow the miracle that is about to take place. J suggested I make a list of all the things for which I am looking forward. That's a good idea. That will be my project for tomorrow.
Hang on a second...Pawncho is running around like crazy. I think he may be spooked by the wind outside. I'm going to go chase him or at least figure out what he's doing.
Holy guacamole! The cat scared me half to death! I'll have to add a picture to this post soon, so you can see where he was. I was not expecting him to be on the counter as I turned the corner. It made for a fun game for a few minutes though. I think he's still sitting on the counter. Anyway, where was I?
I guess I should wrap this up and try to get some shut eye since the clock just struck midnight. J will be getting up in about 4 1/2 hours to drink his protein shake and go work out with his trainer. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:6-7
Rather than lying in bed staring at the ceiling, well, wall really since I have to sleep on my side, I got up to do a little reading. I figured that would put me to sleep. Nope. Then, Pawncho wanted to play, so we played a game of hide and seek. I always win because he always hides in the guest bathtub. It was a fun game nevertheless. Since I was still pretty awake, I figured I'd add one more blog entry.
I am beginning to wonder if Genevieve just wants to be a Leap Year baby. She's already shown us that she wants to be different from 96% of babies by being breech. Why not be different by only having a birthday every four years? If she doesn't come soon, I'm sure we'll have to schedule a c-section considering I am now 41 weeks and 1 day pregnant. We are about out of time, and I was really hoping for that itty, bitty chance of her turning in labor. Again, I realize it's a long shot, but I still had some hope. J and I went for a good walk/hike early Sunday evening. It was pretty nice out and almost too hot. I got to see some rabbits, a chipmunk, and lots of quail. I thought about how exciting it will be to see those things through Genevieve's eyes.
Genevieve is moving around quite a bit right now. One minute I can feel her head to the left of my belly button, and the next minute it seems to move to just above my belly button. When I was reading earlier, her head seemed to be more on the right side of my abdomen but still slightly above my belly button. I wish she would just move that head much farther down! Tonight we listened to some music together until the battery in my Zune died. I had one ear bud in my ear and one ear bud down low on my belly. Unfortunately, we only got to hear two songs before the battery went dead.
I was having a sad day today. I'm having a difficult time finding excitement for the birth of my daughter, and this hurts my heart fiercely. I am really having to work to keep my anxiety at bay and not let it overshadow the miracle that is about to take place. J suggested I make a list of all the things for which I am looking forward. That's a good idea. That will be my project for tomorrow.
Hang on a second...Pawncho is running around like crazy. I think he may be spooked by the wind outside. I'm going to go chase him or at least figure out what he's doing.
Holy guacamole! The cat scared me half to death! I'll have to add a picture to this post soon, so you can see where he was. I was not expecting him to be on the counter as I turned the corner. It made for a fun game for a few minutes though. I think he's still sitting on the counter. Anyway, where was I?
I guess I should wrap this up and try to get some shut eye since the clock just struck midnight. J will be getting up in about 4 1/2 hours to drink his protein shake and go work out with his trainer. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:6-7
Friday, February 24, 2012
A Difficult Change in Plans
Breech babies have been known to flip head down at the last minute, including during labor. I am still hopeful that this will happen, but I'm also realistic. I know that statistics are not in my favor, so I wanted to share where I am at regarding the need for a c-section.
As I mentioned previously, I was devastated to think that I can't deliver at the birth center. After much talk, research, and prayer, I have come to terms with the fact that I will most likely have a surgical birth. I have been so blessed to carry a life inside of me to full term. I am thankful that God gave me a strong body with which to nourish my growing child, and I am grateful for a loving, understanding, supportive husband who loves our daughter beyond words. For the last 13+ weeks I have received the best care by everyone at the birth center. I would not have had that had I continued with my OB, even though I thought she was pretty great. My doula, my midwife, the student nurse midwife and one of the nurses/birth assistants at the birth center have really helped me to work through my emotions. I most appreciated that they told me it was okay for me to be feeling the way I was feeling, especially when everyone else just kept saying "At least you have a healthy baby." or "C-sections aren't so bad." Other people made it sound like I didn't care about my baby when in reality it's all about her.
I am thankful that I have a healthy baby girl, as far as we can all tell. She moves regularly, and she looked so great on the last ultrasound. I know that however she is born, God will take care of us. There are often reasons babies are breech, and this usually can't be determined until after birth. Sometimes those reasons aren't ever discovered.
Some people don't have time to plan for a c-section or prepare emotionally for this change. Some people have emergencies that necessitate an immediate change in a birth plan. I at least had time to write a completely new birth plan in an attempt to make the birth experience the "next best thing". This may not have been my plan, but for reasons beyond my understanding, this is all part of God's plan for me. He knows more than I know, and I am resting in that fact. See Psalm 139. I am thankful for this extra time to get a grip on my emotions.
Have I accepted the fact that I will have a cesarean? No. It may take me a long time to fully accept this fact, but I will be okay if it happens. Do I still hope for a natural delivery? Absolutely! I pray that my daughter flips, but if she doesn't, I know that everything will be alright. Do I still cry about this change? Yes, but a lot less than a week ago. There are worse things than getting a beautiful baby from a c-section.
As I mentioned previously, I was devastated to think that I can't deliver at the birth center. After much talk, research, and prayer, I have come to terms with the fact that I will most likely have a surgical birth. I have been so blessed to carry a life inside of me to full term. I am thankful that God gave me a strong body with which to nourish my growing child, and I am grateful for a loving, understanding, supportive husband who loves our daughter beyond words. For the last 13+ weeks I have received the best care by everyone at the birth center. I would not have had that had I continued with my OB, even though I thought she was pretty great. My doula, my midwife, the student nurse midwife and one of the nurses/birth assistants at the birth center have really helped me to work through my emotions. I most appreciated that they told me it was okay for me to be feeling the way I was feeling, especially when everyone else just kept saying "At least you have a healthy baby." or "C-sections aren't so bad." Other people made it sound like I didn't care about my baby when in reality it's all about her.
I am thankful that I have a healthy baby girl, as far as we can all tell. She moves regularly, and she looked so great on the last ultrasound. I know that however she is born, God will take care of us. There are often reasons babies are breech, and this usually can't be determined until after birth. Sometimes those reasons aren't ever discovered.
Some people don't have time to plan for a c-section or prepare emotionally for this change. Some people have emergencies that necessitate an immediate change in a birth plan. I at least had time to write a completely new birth plan in an attempt to make the birth experience the "next best thing". This may not have been my plan, but for reasons beyond my understanding, this is all part of God's plan for me. He knows more than I know, and I am resting in that fact. See Psalm 139. I am thankful for this extra time to get a grip on my emotions.
Have I accepted the fact that I will have a cesarean? No. It may take me a long time to fully accept this fact, but I will be okay if it happens. Do I still hope for a natural delivery? Absolutely! I pray that my daughter flips, but if she doesn't, I know that everything will be alright. Do I still cry about this change? Yes, but a lot less than a week ago. There are worse things than getting a beautiful baby from a c-section.
Pregnancy Thoughts
I started keeping a pregnancy journal to document my experiences, but I fell really behind due to the business of work. Sometimes I just feel writing is a chore even when it's about something so amazingly special. I was too tired at the end of each night to do any more writing than I had to. Now I find that I'm playing catch up in my journal. I don't know how long it will be until I'm caught up to this point in my pregnancy, so I figured I'd write about it for cyberspace.
As I'm writing this post, G is quite happily moving around in my belly. It's so fascinating to watch my belly move from side to side and, at times, to see a little foot pop out on my right side. When I push on it a little, it disappears. I love that game! J and I can hardly wait until we can tickle those feet from the outside. J is much more impatient than I am, but I think that's because I have too many worries.
Speaking of worries...I am so thankful that I've had almost two weeks off work before G's arrival to prepare mentally, emotionally, and physically. At 37 weeks pregnant I heard the words "This baby is breech", and I almost immediately began crying. J realized this and reached for my hand. Starting the next day, I began doing a variety of things to get her to flip back to vertex, or head down. I laid upside down on an ironing board, saw a chiropractor for the Webster technique twice, did inversions, went swimming, walked on my hands and knees, had an external version done, saw an acupuncturist, and tried moxibustion. I am now 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant, and little miss G is still head up. What this means for me is a c-section rather than a natural birth at a birthing center with my wonderful certified nurse midwife. This news was devastating.
You see, there are a number of reasons I switched to a midwife at a birthing center when I was 27 weeks pregnant. I wanted to avoid interventions that often happen at a hospital and have a tendency to lead to c-sections. I wanted a more personal type of care. I wanted a peaceful setting in which to deliver my daughter with the support of my husband and other people with whom I've developed a relationship. This is important to someone with high anxiety.
The biggest reasons for wanting a natural, non medicated delivery were really for the benefit of G, which is something that many other well meaning people just don't understand. I wanted G to decide when she was ready to come, and when that time came, I didn't want her to be affected by drugs like pitocin and those used in an epidural. Drugs can make the baby sleepy, which can make initial breastfeeding more difficult. Drugs can interfere with the natural release of oxytocin, the love drug, which helps mom and baby bond after birth.
Having a breech baby means I can't deliver at the birth center, and this thought still brings tears to my eyes even though I've had time to adjust to this change. I went through a whole grieving process because surgery is the farthest thing from what I wanted for the birth of my daughter. See my next post for my thoughts on this change in plans.
As I'm writing this post, G is quite happily moving around in my belly. It's so fascinating to watch my belly move from side to side and, at times, to see a little foot pop out on my right side. When I push on it a little, it disappears. I love that game! J and I can hardly wait until we can tickle those feet from the outside. J is much more impatient than I am, but I think that's because I have too many worries.
Speaking of worries...I am so thankful that I've had almost two weeks off work before G's arrival to prepare mentally, emotionally, and physically. At 37 weeks pregnant I heard the words "This baby is breech", and I almost immediately began crying. J realized this and reached for my hand. Starting the next day, I began doing a variety of things to get her to flip back to vertex, or head down. I laid upside down on an ironing board, saw a chiropractor for the Webster technique twice, did inversions, went swimming, walked on my hands and knees, had an external version done, saw an acupuncturist, and tried moxibustion. I am now 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant, and little miss G is still head up. What this means for me is a c-section rather than a natural birth at a birthing center with my wonderful certified nurse midwife. This news was devastating.
You see, there are a number of reasons I switched to a midwife at a birthing center when I was 27 weeks pregnant. I wanted to avoid interventions that often happen at a hospital and have a tendency to lead to c-sections. I wanted a more personal type of care. I wanted a peaceful setting in which to deliver my daughter with the support of my husband and other people with whom I've developed a relationship. This is important to someone with high anxiety.
The biggest reasons for wanting a natural, non medicated delivery were really for the benefit of G, which is something that many other well meaning people just don't understand. I wanted G to decide when she was ready to come, and when that time came, I didn't want her to be affected by drugs like pitocin and those used in an epidural. Drugs can make the baby sleepy, which can make initial breastfeeding more difficult. Drugs can interfere with the natural release of oxytocin, the love drug, which helps mom and baby bond after birth.
Having a breech baby means I can't deliver at the birth center, and this thought still brings tears to my eyes even though I've had time to adjust to this change. I went through a whole grieving process because surgery is the farthest thing from what I wanted for the birth of my daughter. See my next post for my thoughts on this change in plans.
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