My Passion

Teaching - what I do, what I love, who I am (Okay, so this last one doesn't really fit.  Get over it).

At the beginning of my maternity leave back in February, I couldn't wait to quit working.  I was so overwhelmed by my job requirements and looking forward to the new overwhelming job requirements of being a mom.  There was no way I would've been able to pull off both jobs at the same time, and I still don't know how I will do it when I go back.  That's right, when I go back, not if.  You see, I am passionate about teaching, and I can't imagine not being involved in the opening of young minds.  My mom once told me that teaching wasn't just a job to me; it was my calling.  She is right.  That being said, I am struggling with what to do come February when my district will request I let them know of my intentions.  Will I be returning to my previous position, applying for a different position, or giving up my contract for the following year?  These are the questions that have been weighing heavily on my mind.  What will I do?

To some, the decision would be easy.  My school is saving my job for me.  I can just slip right back in, and for those that are out of work, that may seem like a dream.  When I first submitted my paperwork for the leave of absence, it did seem like a dream.  Now, I'm wondering if it's a nightmare holding me back from something better.  I realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, but lately I have been curious about the grass in other districts.  I have been researching.  It's what I do.

I know there isn't a perfect school out there for me.  A perfect school would give me time to learn something new and become more fluent in the new idea before asking me to take on two more new things.  A perfect school would tailor professional development to my individual needs.  I could use formative assessments and record few grades early on at a perfect school.  I would be respected by my administrators and recognized for the experience and knowledge I bring to the table. A perfect school would train teachers rather than relying on having its teachers teach directly from a teacher's guide.  I would love to be able to do what's truly best for kids and not just what would sound best to parents.  Please let me know if this school exists!

In the last 6 years I have been teaching at the same school, and there have been a lot of new things required of me.  Some were state requirements.  Some were district requirements.  Some were my individual school's requirements.  Many of them are good ideas and good for kids, but to take on so many things at once means I am not really proficient in any of them.  I am mediocre at best, and the perfectionist in me terribly hates being mediocre, especially when it comes to something about which I am passionate.  With all of these new things being thrown at me left and right, I felt like I was constantly treading water rather than moving forward to reach my goals.  I was in survival mode much of the time and was only functioning at the status quo level. The following is a sampling of the new things I have been required to take on.

* Differentiated Instruction (not really new to me, but was a buzz word my first year in the district)
* Formative Assessments (again, not new at all, but it was a new thing for my school)
* Backwards Design
* High Yield Strategies
* New Social Studies program (Harcourt)
* Thinking Maps
* Write From the Beginning (new writing program)
* New Math program (EnVision/Investigations - yay!!)
* Aerospace curriculum
* Bully Prevention program
* Pearson Successmaker
* PDSA
* Daily 5/CAFE (love!!)
* Smartboard Technology
* Jr. Great Books (awesome!)

I know there are others that I'm forgetting and still others that I didn't get involved in for one reason or another (i.e. Read Naturally and Accelerated Reader).  This year they received a new reading program, which I will have to learn and "use with fidelity" if I go back to my school.  I also heard they may be adopting a new math program when we've only had the other program for 5 years!!!  What?!

It's not that any one of these programs are bad, but to be expected to implement so many new things means they are not implemented well.  There are 15 items on my list which means there were at least two big new ideas each year and sometimes three.  Keep in mind that we have to learn about these new ideas and implement them in our lesson plans on top of all of the other things teachers do (regular lesson planning, staff meetings, curriculum night, gathering teaching resources, parent/teacher conferences, professional development hours, professional responsibility hours, before/during/after school duties, fundraisers, PTA meetings, etc.).  It's because of all of these new initiatives that teachers are ineffective in the classroom, burned out and suffering from low morale.

I often think back to my early days of teaching and how much I learned and grew as a teacher.  I had amazing mentors.  If you are reading this, thank you for helping me to be the teacher kids deserve.  I know that sounded conceited, but I feel strongly that my passion for teaching, my training, and my desire to continue learning make me a strong teacher.  I am saddened that I feel so burned out after only ten years of teaching, and I feel that I have not grown as much as I could have.  I'm not even going to blame the burnout on all of those Friday nights I was in the book room until 9 PM planning reading groups for the following week!  Blame goes to all of the things that have been piled on my plate in the last 6 years, many without proper support or follow through after the introduction.  If there was additional support the following year, it was often buried beneath piles of new curriculum or lost in the long line of e-mails regarding the latest and greatest "gimmick".  

Don't students deserve better than a bunch of worn out angry teachers?  Our students deserve teachers who are inspired, not tired.  Our students deserve to learn in ways that best meet their needs, and I can tell you that has not been the case in my classroom simply because I do not have the time to do all that is expected.  What's that you say?  Prioritize? Eliminate the unnecessary?  When you are told they are all expected, and then you are given deadlines to submit data that proves you are following through on the requirements, how do you prioritize?

I have to do lesson plans and gather my resources each week or my kids won't be taught what they need to learn.  If you're a teacher, you know lesson planning is no easy task.  You're not just planning for the whole group; you have to plan for small groups and individual students.  If you have special needs students, you may have to plan how you will modify lessons or what accommodations a student will need to learn the material.  I have to plan assessments that are aligned to the standards, or how do I know that they are learning what they're supposed to learn?  I have to update my website and respond to parent e-mails to keep parents informed and involved.  If I want to keep my job, I have to have a certain number of professional development and/or responsibility hours.  I have to have a data wall, so administration can see my class' short term goals and outcomes.  I have to attend staff meetings, or I may miss out on learning of a new requirement and be docked on my evaluation for my lack of professionalism.  The list really is endless!  How many people do you know that take a personal day from work to get caught up on work?  I'm sure more than just teachers, but it shouldn't have to be this way.  What do you think about teachers taking a personal day to conduct parent/teacher conferences because they have so many students they won't be able to fit all of the conferences in to the time given?  This is happening folks.

So, what do I do when my leave of absences ends?  Run far away from teaching? Find a new school in a new district in the hopes of finding my mojo?  Stay on at my current school and fight for changes?  Look into the charter or private arena?  I think I know what I must do, but I still plan to pray about it.  I know that God will lead me in the right direction as usual.  I just have to be sure to quiet my brain long enough to hear His word.  

Please feel free to share your feelings about teaching, teachers, education, God, life...in the comments.  If you have any solutions for me, I am wiiiiiiiiide open!