Rock Me, Mama

Genevieve is pretty easy to get to sleep these days, very much unlike when she was an infant.  For naps, all she needs is her white noise on, her blanket on her, and sometimes one or more "guys" (beanie babies, hand puppets, dolls...).  I kiss her, hug her, and tell her I'll see her when she wakes up.  Sometimes she plays around with her guys for a little bit and then eventually goes to sleep all on her own.  At bedtime, she usually needs a little help unwinding.  She turns on her white noise and gets in bed.  I put her blanket on her and rub her back while singing or playing a song from YouTube with my phone.  Common requests are Strength for the Journey, Speak Life, Twinkle, Twinkle, and Holy, Holy.  She gets to hear a song twice, and then I blow her kisses, tell her I love her, and say to sleep tight.  She sometimes says, "I love you too" or "I'll see you in the morning when the sun pops out".

Genevieve usually sleeps through the night very well, but she will wake up requesting food on occasion.  This is not a ploy to get up; she really is hungry and will NOT go back to sleep unless she is fed.  Sometimes she just needs half a banana to hold her over until morning, and she usually goes right back to sleep without any back rubbing or singing.

Last night, after going through our normal bedtime routine, I could hear Genevieve in her bed playing around and kicking her feet against her crib.  After awhile, I heard "Mom!  Mama!"  I went in and asked what she needed and why she wasn't sleeping.  She said, "Rock me, Mama."  I don't get many opportunities to rock her, so after telling her that my lap didn't have much room but we could try, I held her in the glider rocker.  She put one arm around me behind my back, rested her head on my 38 1/2 week pregnant belly, and put her other hand on my belly by her face.  Then she looked up at me with a sweet grin on her face as we rocked and said, "I'm sleeping on Cecilia."  She again rested her head on my belly and sweetly drifted off to sleep.  It was such a special moment to me as I realized I was holding my two precious girls in my lap.  I really wish I had a picture to capture this moment, but honestly, the picture will be burned in my mind forever.  

VBAC Here I Come!

Genevieve helping to check my blood pressure

For those that don't know the lingo, VBAC stands for vaginal birth after cesarean.  J and I have decided to have a VBAC at home with our amazing certified nurse midwife, Connie with Canyon Midwifery.  We couldn't be more excited for this experience and to meet our new little girl!

On Saturday, Connie came to the house for our 36 week home visit.  It's a regular check up as well as an opportunity for Connie to learn where things are, so when the big day comes, she won't have to ask too many questions or hunt around for things.  We also have a list of things that we will need to prep ahead of time (like starting now) to make things run more smoothly during labor and birth.  Connie delivered our birth kit, which includes disposable items needed during birth, the vitamin K shot Cecilia will receive, and a sweet hat for her that Connie made.  All of these things were brought in a handy diaper bag.

The home visit also helped us visualize where the "action" might take place, and it got me really excited for "d-day". We have rented a birth tub with a built in heater; we will get it at 38 weeks, so it will be available when labor starts (Susan, no bringing up anything about Cecilia coming early.)  J is going to replace our shower head to one that can be handheld; this will probably be very handy.  Connie will be packing her car with all needed supplies, so she'll be prepared when she gets the call that Cecilia is ready to make her debut.

Connie getting ready to measure my belly while G investigates the stethoscope.

Now, for the stats.  My belly has caught up!  I am now measuring 36 weeks.  My blood pressure was 98/60, and I am one pound under what I gained my entire pregnancy with Genevieve.  I'm pretty sure the ice cream I ate every day for several weeks early on in this pregnancy wasn't helpful.  It sure was good though! I got my lab results, and my platelets have slightly raised.  This means we are on for the home birth!  Platelets help with blood clotting, and they were a little low at my 28 week appointment.  If they go too low, I can bleed too much, which isn't safe for a home birth.  They are still on the low side, but I am praising God for their slight increase.  We wonder if I had low platelets last pregnancy because of how much I bled following my c-section.  Also, I am group B strep (GBS) negative, which means I won't need IV antibiotics during labor.  Yay!

Cecilia is nice and low in my pelvis.  In fact, she has "dropped".  My belly is visibly lower, and there is so much pressure in the "low down".  She is right occiput anterior, which is a pretty good position for her to be in.  Left occiput anterior is the optimal position from what I've read, but she can turn herself this way during labor.  Being on the left just makes it easier for babies to rotate and fit through the birth canal.  I'm just glad she's not breech, oblique, transverse, or posterior!  Her little behind has been up by my right ribs, which explains the rib pain I've been feeling there.  Since she's dropped, my rib pain is much less, but there is a new pain on my lower right abdomen.  My hands and feet only get mildly swollen by the end of the night, and the swelling is nowhere near what I experienced with Genevieve.  I'm sure it's because I'm not on my feet all day.

Anyway, we can't quite wrap our minds around the fact that Genevieve's little sister will be joining us very, very soon.  Genevieve talks about playing with Cecilia and wanting to hold her and feed her.  It will be fun to see how she reacts to having this little person invade her space.  I know she will be loving and caring, but I also know it will be a big adjustment for her (and for J and I!).  We are looking forward to having our family come help and visit.  As much as I don't want my parents to miss being there for the birth, Connie said, "Wouldn't it be great though if they missed it by half an hour?"  Translation: My labor and delivery would only be about 3 hours long.  I highly doubt that will happen though, so no worries Mom and Dad.

Okay, Cecilia, you can come anytime after Wednesday 8/20, but I sure would like you to bake a little bit longer.  I'm hoping for a September baby for educational purposes.  Fellow teachers will understand what I mean.        

Happy 46th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

August 17, 1968

I wish I had the words to adequately express my thoughts on this topic, but no matter how long I thought or how many times I rewrote sentences, the words just never seemed right.  I'll keep this fairly brief so as to not sound trite.  Today my parents celebrate 46 years of wedded bliss.  Okay, okay.  I know it hasn't all been blissful, but I do know for sure that if they had it to do all over again, they would still choose each other.  I am so grateful that they found each other to love.  From that love, they had 4 wonderful children and one really, super, duper amazingly wonderful child.  I'll let you decide who that one is!  ;)

My parents have taught me so much about love and sacrifice.  They've argued.  They've laughed.  They've nagged and criticized.  They've forgiven.  They've loved and supported one another, even when it was difficult.  I'll never forget what my mom once said to me about relationships.  She said that relationships aren't always 50/50.  She said sometimes they're 90/10.  For example, if your partner is sick, you might have to be in charge of 90% of the household responsibilities while they only handle 10%.  It's not unfair or unequal.  It's the natural give and take of a relationship as it follows every day life.  This has always stuck with me, and I remind myself of this when I feel like I'm the one giving more.  

I hope one day I can celebrate a 46th anniversary with J.  I have a couple of pretty good role models, don't ya think?  

Here are some pictures I dug up.  I sure wish I had more!

Before Marriage

Wedding Day - August 17, 1968

Christmas 1987

May 1993

September 1996

2001 or 2002 (Ed and Jenna Haller's wedding)
My dad was blowing bubbles, and my mom was swatting at them and laughing hysterically.
I think she had one too many black Russians. 

November 2003? - Grand Canyon

March 2006

June 2010 - Peoria, IL
Enjoying pork tenderloins

June 2010 - Peoria, IL
Outside of my grandma's residence

June 2011
This picture speaks volumes about my parents' relationship.
My dad was clearly teasing my mother, and my mother is going in for the strangle.
I've seen this many times.

November 2013 - Jeff and Jill's wedding
They clean up well.  Such a nice looking couple.

November 2013 - Jeff's wedding
There is always one sibling missing. :(
L to R: little brother Nick, big sister Rachel, Dad, Mom, big brother Jeff, Me

March 2014 - Genevieve's 2nd birthday party
Again, a sibling is missing.
L to R: Dad, little sister Emily, Me, big sister Rachel, big brother Jeff, Mom

Breastfeeding

I have been meaning to write about this subject for many months now, well, ever since I weaned Genevieve back in March.  It is a personal topic, in a way, but many of you know of my challenges and triumphs.  I wanted, for my own sake, to write about my experience starting at the very beginning (it's a very good place to start).

Before Genevieve was born, I knew that I wanted to breastfeed.  I didn't put a specific amount of time on how long I wanted to breastfeed, but I thought a year sounded good.  I remember thinking in the first few days about how easy it was.  Things seemed to be going fairly well, and the nurses and lactation consultant at the hospital were helpful in those early days (except for one nurse, but we won't get into that here).  Then I noticed that G was "tongue tied". This is when the frenulum under the tongue either attaches too tightly or too close to the tip of the tongue.  In G's case, it was attached to the very tip of her tongue, making it impossible for her tongue to stick out past her gums.  The tongue is used to help with suction and proper breastfeeding, so I was worried this would cause issues.  The hospital pediatrician said not to worry about it, so I thought I'd give it a little bit of time.  The second week of nursing was pretty painful, and by the third week I was experiencing milk blisters and a great deal of pain.  I cried every single time Genevieve latched, and she was nursing around every hour.

Tongue Tie

When she was around 3 weeks old, we saw an ENT who snipped the frenulum a bit to release the tie.  After about five or six days, Genevieve was nursing like a champ!  Her latch wasn't fantastic, but she was eating much better.  There was also a decrease in pain for me.  Yay!  Maybe I would make it to a year after all. By the six week mark, we were both pretty good at the breastfeeding thing.

It was around this time that we noticed Genevieve was very gassy and fussy.  She also didn't sleep much. We would rock her and bounce her for 40 minutes for her to only sleep 30 minutes.  She would wake up screaming and tooting.  We knew something wasn't right, but we didn't know what.  She had silent reflux and unusual stools that sometimes included mucous and blood.  Long story short, this was the beginning of us figuring out her multiple food allergies.  It was a long journey of eliminating and reintroducing foods to note reactions.  I lost a ton of weight (bonus) but constantly worried that I would lose my milk supply and wouldn't be able to continue the nursing relationship we had both grown to love.  Nursing was a comfort for Genevieve, and it was something I enjoyed providing for her.  It was amazing to  have nourished her with my body for so long, and I was scared and determined not to lose this ability.  Allergy testing helped us to further pinpoint her allergens, and I just continued to avoid them for Genevieve's sake.  

Once Genevieve was around 15 months old, she nursed much less frequently.  She would nurse first thing in the morning, before nap, after nap, and after bed consistently.  She also drove me crazy with her 1-3 night wake ups wanting to nurse, but I wasn't sure how to break this habit.  She wanted to nurse if she got hurt or scared, and occasionally, she'd want a little snack during the day at some point.  My supply always remained just enough for what Genevieve needed.  I thanked God every day for allowing my body to produce despite my limited diet (no nuts, wheat, soy, dairy, eggs, cocoa, tomatoes, or oats).

Nursing before a nap at the Oregon Zoo

By the time Genevieve was 20 months old, I decided the night nursing had to end.  I talked to G about it, and my mother in law sent me two great books on the topic.  Genevieve liked Sally Weans from Night Nursing much better than Nursies When the Sun Shines.  In fact, she took to Sally so well, that I started night weaning her before I initially planned.  By 22 months, or thereabouts, Genevieve was night weaned. We were down to three nursing sessions a day - morning, before nap, and before bedtime.

At this time, I found out I was expecting baby #2, and my supply started to dip.  I was already producing more on one side than the other, but now one side was almost completely dry.  Genevieve would nurse only before bed now and just on one side.  I knew full weaning was approaching quickly, and to be honest, I think we were both ready.  I head been preparing her for no more mama milk, and I knew she understood. Nothing could have prepared me for how I would feel the first night I didn't breastfeed her.

It was the end of March; Genevieve was almost 25 months old.  I was getting her ready for bed when I reminded her that there would be no more mama milky that night.  I told her the milk was all gone but that was okay because she was a big girl now.  She fussed a bit and cried out "Just one side!  Just the one side!"  I said, "No, honey, the milk is all gone.  There isn't anymore even from the one side."  She laid there as I changed her diaper.  She didn't say anything. She didn't yell or cry out, but tears streamed down her cheeks.  It was as if she were mourning the loss of something so special to her, and I felt my heart break into a million pieces, even though I knew this had to happen eventually.

I held Genevieve and rocked her to sleep that night.  As she drifted off, tears streamed down my cheeks.  It was such a bittersweet moment and one that still brings tears to my eyes.

Genevieve feeds her baby dolls "mama milk" and talks about babies drinking mama milk.  When babies cry, she sometimes says, "Aw, he needs mama milky."  It makes me proud that she equates mama milk not only with nourishment but with feeling good and comforted.  We have talked about how the new baby will drink mama milk (God willing), and she has asked if she can have some too.  I tell her no, that it's only for babies.  There was a day several weeks back that Genevieve was having a complete and utter meltdown, and nothing I did comforted her in any way.  She burst out in tears saying, "I need milky to make me feel better!"  I told her that I didn't have any milk for her, but I could hold her and rock her.  It was enough, but I was really surprised about her request for milk.  I am surprised that she remembered it giving her comfort.

I am looking forward to breastfeeding my next, and final baby, and I pray that my body is able to provide the same nourishment and comfort for her.  I know weaning my last baby will be even more bittersweet.      

(A Long Overdue) Family Update

Our family at my sister Emily's wedding 6/21/14

Wow!  It has been a long time since I've written anything for this blog.  So much has happened that I'm not even sure what to make this post about, but I thought it was time to write something.

Genevieve continues to light up our lives.  She makes us laugh every day and brings us so much joy.  She also brings us much frustration and exhaustion.  We wouldn't change a thing though!  Genevieve is a great sleeper now, unlike her infant days.  We still use white noise at nap and bed time, but she can sleep just fine without it.  I think it makes me feel better using it - like I won't disturb her when I make noise doing housework (or watching trashy TV).  Everywhere we go it seems that people comment on how well she talks and how developed her vocabulary is.  She is a talker alright!  Sometimes I'm like "Can you just stop talking for 5 minutes?"

Not only does Genevieve love to talk, but she loves to sing.  Today her songs included The Lion Sleeps Tonight, Hakuna Matata, Strength for the Journey, A Whole New World, Prince Ali, Fiddle I Fee, and You are my Sunshine.  Other songs in her repertoire include the Memorial Acclamation (Holy, Holy) from church, Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, some of the Alphabet Song (ABCD HIJ...), and others I can't recall at the moment.  

I am one day shy of 29 weeks pregnant.  We are having another daughter, and we can't be more thrilled.  It will be fun to see the differences in personality between this little munchkin and her big sister.  Hopefully she doesn't follow in her sister's footsteps on the breech front.  She is not currently head down, but she has time to turn in the right direction.  I am seeing a chiropractor in the hopes of being more proactive this pregnancy. She appears to be close to head down, but she is more oblique(diagonal) or transverse (side to side).  She has a first name (that we aren't sharing yet), but we are still working on a middle name.  Baby is also quite active!  Her favorite time to move and shake is between the hours of 10:00 PM and 12:00 AM.  Genevieve has felt her several times, but she is freaked out by it.  I think it's because she can feel something but can't see it.  Her last reaction to feeling the baby was priceless!  She pulled her hand away as if she'd been burned, and her brow was furrowed.  She no longer wants anything to do with feeling the baby move.

Well, that was just a quick snippet of what's important to us right now. I'll try to add more posts in the future.

 

Milk, Wheat, and Eggs Oh My!

About a month ago, I took Genevieve to see a new allergist.  Her previous allergist recommended follow up testing 6-12 months after her initial test, but since I had a bad experience with both the allergist and one of the office ladies, I decided to go somewhere else for the testing.  Genevieve certainly didn't like getting her back pricked multiple times, but she was a trooper and did much better than the boy next door whose mother could be heard bribing him with anything to get him to cooperate all while the child screamed bloody murder.

During the test, I noticed that hives were not forming, or at least no significant sized hives other than histamine.  I was feeling hopeful.  Sure enough, the doctor came in and said everything was negative.  She told me to start slowly reintroducing the foods Genevieve had been allergic to.  She said to start with a tiny amount and slowly increase it if no reaction was noted.  She also suggested waiting 3-4 days between new foods.  I knew this process well.  I was a little skeptical of the results considering she has never tested positive to eggs, but she reacts to them.  The allergist said she would like to do in office food challenges for milk, eggs, and peanuts since those are big triggers for kids, and if Genevieve were to have a big reaction, they could easily take care of her.

At home, I began with reintroducing wheat since that was always her weakest allergy.  She wasn't crazy about bread right away, but very quickly G and I were eating wheat products.  Success number one!  Next up, tomatoes.  Genevieve put a tiny piece of cherry tomato in her mouth, chewed it up, and promptly spit it out saying "spicy".  At the time, I thought she may have been reacting to it since kids with allergies sometimes describe the feeling in their mouth as spicy.  Honestly, I didn't even know G knew this word!  After trying ketchup and spaghetti sauce (both of which G hated), we called tomatoes success number two.  I was on my way to having pizza!

Next up was cocoa. I bought some chocolate coconut milk, and I baked some egg free, dairy free chocolate chip cookies.  Genevieve did not care for either.  I couldn't even get her to eat the cookie until she saw Daddy eating it, and she so loves copying her daddy these days.  I noticed no reaction.  Success three!

I made G some oatmeal for breakfast one morning, and she hardly ate any.  I tried again the following morning, and she ate enough that a reaction would have been evident...I think.  I then baked some egg free, dairy free oatmeal raisin cookies, and she gobbled those up (but picked out all of the raisins).  Yes!  I love oatmeal raisin cookies!  Success four!  Soy isn't something I consume on a regular basis, but I decided to have J get me a soy chai cream frappuccino from Starbucks so I could give it a try.  It was a sacrifice I had to make for the greater good.  It was delicious, and G had a couple of sips with no reaction.  I wasn't anxious to keep testing soy though.

Last week, G had her milk challenge.  They start out with the tiniest amount (like 1 ml), and then they checked on her after 20 minutes.  Since she had no reaction, they brought her a tiny bit more.  This process went on for three and a half hours!  I was pleased that she seemed to like cow's milk.  She discovered that she could make bubbles by blowing in a straw, so I'm sure this helped make the tedious process more enjoyable for her (but a little annoying for me because, come on, drink the milk already so we can go home!).  The doctor declared the milk challenge a success and told me to slowly start reintroducing dairy.  She cautioned me not to give her five scoops of ice cream that night because that is something I would totally do with a not quite two year old.  I had no idea we'd be there that long, and I was starving!  Against my better judgement, I stopped at Carl's Jr. and picked up a double western bacon cheeseburger.  Yes, I said double.  Don't judge me.  G even had a bite, and now I know that soy is okay because Carl's Jr. burgers are loaded with soy protein.

My treat last weekend.  Can you hear the angels singing?

Today was Genevieve's egg challenge, and I figured she'd react.  They had me bring two scrambled eggs for her.  The first was a miniscule piece that had G saying, "more eggs".  She really likes them, which made this challenge super easy other than the fact that it was going to take forever at this rate!  The nurse came in at one point and told me that Genevieve was going to just have one more serving, so I shared with her that her previous reactions took place when she consumed nearly two scrambled eggs.  She decided to up her final dose, but when she brought me back the eggs, I could see that G hadn't even been given an entire egg during the testing.  After about 20 minutes the allergist came in saying that eggs were a go, but since she's reacted to two eggs previously, I should not give her more than one for a couple of months.  I asked about baked eggs, and she said they would be totally fine.  She said I do not need to worry about anaphylaxis.  Another ten minutes goes by, and the nurse comes in to do her final check, and G now has a hive at the corner of her mouth and a tiny one on her chin.  The nurse went and told the doctor who suggested keeping eggs in her diet, but no more than one at a time for the next six months.  She also recommended continuing with baked egg.  I was not surprised by any of this.  I supposed I could have just done this at home and saved myself $40.  Oh well.

Next week, peanuts!  I am pretty sure she will pass this one, and if so, I am buying myself a big bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs!  No, I won't eat the bag in one sitting.  It might take two.  

Genevieve 101: Part 5

Climber, no climbing!

87. You had your 18 month check up with Dr. Jackson on 8/29/13.  It was good to be back with him.  He is a wonderful doctor.  You weigh 23 pounds and are 32.5 inches tall.  You weigh more than 56% of other girls your age, and you are taller than 74%.  When you got your vaccine, you didn't even cry when the needle went in, but you did whimper when they started to inject the vaccine.  You stopped as soon as they removed the needle, but you wanted to nurse.

88. One morning, you wanted to breastfeed while lying down on the couch, so we did.  I noticed you were sweaty, so I said, "you are sweaty!"  You stopped drinking, pointed to the ceiling fan, and said, "on."  You, my dear, surprise me with what you understand!

Oh boy, I have been bad about finishing up this series.  The above two entries were done in August, and it is now mid October!  Let's see how many things I can write down now.

89. You have had a language explosion and are a little parrot.  You are trying new words everyday.  Some words like "bubbles" are very clear, and other words like "cereal" are only recognizable by your mother.  My next blog entry will be about all of the words you are saying right now.

90.  We took a trip to Portland at the beginning of September to visit Auntie Carolyn.  You were such a good traveler despite not feeling well.  You loved the ocean, the park, playing bubbles in Carolyn's yard, running in circles through the rooms of Carolyn's house, and causing mischief wherever we went (i.e. dumping out the cat's water all over Carolyn's living room).

91.  You really love to play pretend right now.  A wonderful friend gave you a Dora castle with some furniture and a Dora figurine.  You also include in the pretend play your Beanie Baby Chipmunks, other small stuffed animals, and Jesus, Mary, and Joseph statues.  You make them fall from the top of the castle and say "help me".  Then another "person" comes and helps them up.  They take naps, knock on the door, pretend to swing, and fly in your Little People airplane.

92. The other day when I was making one of your stuffed animals cry, you picked them up, hugged them, and gave them some milk.  You are a sweetie.

93.  You are obsessed with the Chipmunks movie Chipwrecked.  You ask for it as soon as you wake up in the morning, and you beg to watch it all day.  One day when neither of us got any sleep and you were super clingy, I put the movie on for you, and you watched almost the entire 90 minute movie.  I'm not proud of letting you watch so much T.V., but some days, it's a sanity saver.

94.  You tolerate headbands now.  You like to take them off and put them back on.  You comment when other people are wearing headbands.

95.  When we were in Portland, I was rubbing your back to help you fall asleep when you started singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star for the first time.  I was so surprised, and you have been singing it ever since.  You also sing part of Bad Romance by Lady Gaga (La, la, la, la, la-a, ga, ga, ga ga ga-a) and the animated Chipmunks theme song (doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot.  Alvin, Simon, Theodore!).

96.  You are crazy about pumpkins right now.  Of course they are everywhere being that it's almost Halloween.  You point to them and say "pumpkin!"  You call your little pumpkin "baby", and the bigger pumpkin "daddy" just like Daddy taught you.  You count pumpkins in people's yards but never go past the number one.

97. You are now an expert at drinking from a cup, but Daddy and I often have to take your cup away at dinner because you are playing in it.  You stir your water, put your food in it, put your hands in it, and sometimes spill it all over.

98.  You want to help me vacuum, and you like handing me clean dishes from the dishwasher to put away.  You do not like cleaning up your toys and books, and it almost takes a miracle to get you do to so.  Yesterday, I was so surprised when you started helping me clean up your toys without being asked, and you said "clean up".  I know this will be a life long battle.

99.  Your Grandma Susan warned me that finding shoes to fit your narrow feet would be difficult, but it is much more difficult than I even anticipated.  I spend more money on your shoes that you'll grow out of in three months than I do on my own shoes.  Oh well.  You will probably be able to find cute, stylish shoes when you are much older.  For now, shoe shopping is a pain.

100. Swinging is your most favorite thing to do.  If I let you, you'd stay on a swing for hours.  You are now able to handle a regular swing instead of a baby bucket swing.  Of course I'm always nearby, but you hold on very well after having a couple of falls that scared you more than hurt you.

101. What should my last entry be?  How about a perfect capture of life with a toddler?
Genevieve, you are into EVERYTHING!  You can reach so many things on the counters, so I have to make sure everything is pushed far back.  You climb on the big chairs at the kitchen island.  You climb up and over the end tables in the front room.  I'm just waiting for you to try climbing the baby gates (did I just jinx myself?).  I can't turn my back on you for one minute, as evidenced by you getting into the cat litter today.  Sigh.  I get nothing done around the house unless you are "helping" me, but that's okay.  We find other ways to spend our precious time together.

I love you my dear Genevieve, even though YOU ARE STILL NOT SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!